If someone left their partner to be with you, they’re capable of leaving you to be with someone new.
if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you
One of my mom’s two best bits of wisdom. The other was I cut, you choose.
My mom would have added:
You never let someone hit you a second time.
This one is painfully accurate. And doubled if they cheated on their ex. It’s not romantic, you’re not in a movie. They’re a shitty person who cheated on their partner. They will do it to you.
Yes. My usual version of this is “You’re not special. If they lied to someone else, they’ll lie to you.”
This. This one was a rough lesson to learn.
The best time to start regularly exercising and eating at least moderately healthy food is 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
You know something that helped me exercise regularly was… “you’re going to be scrolling through your phone. Might as well do it while on the treadmill/peloton/etc”
But I can’t be at a treadmill and take a dump at the same time. Actually I could, but I don’t want to.
Sure you can. The belt will just fling it off the back.
Don’t try to have a good diet and workout routine, try to regularly improve your diet and workout routine.
The best workout routine is the one you can stick to. Plenty of people online will tell you that to lose weight you need to be doing cardio in a certain heart rate zone or to gain muscle you need to weight lift a certain way. That is technically true, but useless. A great workout routine is just walking for half an hour each day. It is a much more realistic goal for out of shape people and simply getting your heat pumping and your muscles moving regularly will get you most of the health benefits you need.
Same thing with diet. A keto or intermittent fasting diet may be the fastest way to burn fat, but they are very hard to stick to and when you break them, you will be so hungry that you will eat enough to gain back all the weight you lost. A more realistic plan is to cut out a sugary beverage from each day and to make sure that every meal includes a vegetable high in fiber. Once that is an established habit, build on it with other small changes that move you closer to a healthy lifestyle.
I work a very sedentary career and don’t have a ton of energy after work/kids, but I’ve found having an under the desk pedal cycle to use during the day has done wonders for my physical and mental health.
I have an under desk treadmill and it is easily the best investment I’ve made for my fitness.
I heard the same advice about investing for retirement. This feels like a glitch in the matrix.
Usually it’s “the best time to plant a tree”, that way it’s a metaphor for everything.
But don’t switch completely to a healthy diet all of a sudden, do it slowly. Otherwise your body may not handle the drastic change and you may get health issues (mine was a belly button infection 🙃).
From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone’s future behavior is their past behavior.
tldr, track record
If you see a toilet in your dreams, don’t use it!
Can’t confirm. I’ve had lucid dreams, where I’m aware that it’s a dream, but not in control.
Then I started just pissing everywhere. And I could feel my sweatpants getting soaked. And then I shit myself. And in the dream I’m panicing because I know it’s happening in real life. I’m very aware that when I wake up my sweatpants will be piss soaked, and I have shat myself. I can FEEL it happening as it happens. Then I wake up. No shit. No piss. Totally dry, and I IMMEDIATELY need to get to a bathroom. Where I shit and piss in the toilet.
And then I stand up, and there’s no shit or piss in the toilet. And I’m like “WTF??? Am I just groggy? What the hell is happening???”
Then the toilet starts talking. “FEED ME YOUR TASTY POOPS!!!” And I’m like what the fuck is going on? Am I on drugs???" And this toilet is getting angry that I won’t shit in it’s mouth. Then it starts stomping around like the piano from Super Mario 64.
Then I wake up, and IMMEDIATELY need to piss and shit. So I run to the toilet, and yell at the toilet “ARE YOU GOING TO DEMAND I SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH??? I KNOW YOUR TRICKS, TOILET!!!”
And thats when I hear my neighbors laughing, because the walls are thin, it’s 3AM, and they now think I’m crazy.
This has happened several times. I hope I never meet my neighbors.
what the fuck
Cool story, bro.
Weed will reduce your dreams, which could be good or bad in your situation.
This made me laugh so much 😂
I was mostly wtf, but I will admit I did laugh.
What about if there’s a fire, can I use the hose to put it out?
It probably wouldn’t even put the fire out.
Watch “Strange Brew” and let me know if you change your mind on that.
Awesome Canadian movie.
When that was first said, what came to mind was actually Gulliver’s Travels with Jack Black. Fires are typically not even weak to a firefighting hose, that’s why those firefighting games at Chuck E. Cheese are so hard. Firefighting is actually more difficult than that.
Just go to the fucking dentist.
I once avoided asking my father for money for the dentist, out of pride, as a tooth infection was developing.
By the time I finally did break down and ask him, it had advanced to the point where my nervous system got permanently altered by the pain levels I experienced.
I finally broke down and asked him when it got too much for me to handle. But by that time, it wasn’t at its peak yet. The pain peaked after I started the antibiotics.
I guess the lesson was: a problem will continue to develop after you take steps to solve it. In my case, waiting until the pain reached a level I couldn’t handle meant that the maximum pain level was well above what I could handle.
The lesson I learned is this: The problem does not go away magically the moment you decide to ask for help. So don’t wait until the last second to ask for help.
Like, call the fire department long before the fire gets out of control.
Currently the non-availability of dental care in the budget is the biggest visible sign of poverty.
Remember that while dentristry is an essential service, it is mercenary and thus priced out of reach of our bottom 30%.
Some things are important, but importance is only half of the prioritization.
Who needs teeth if you can’t buy groceries…
Oh my GOD yes. The pain now is a FRACTION of what it’ll be the longer you put it off! And trust me, at some point you will be forced to go if you don’t choose to go yourself. Just go. They won’t judge you for starting now.
Also, floss.
Red flags in relationships are serious business and don’t go away. I wish desperately I never got married, and when someone goes to the point of deliberately running over a squirrel to upset you, you’ve really hooked up with a sociopath. If your gut says go, go before you tie your finances to that of a crazy person.
This is true. The book “why does he do that” is a fascinating look into how abusive people (mostly but not always men) operate.
Goes to the point of WHAT?
Running over a squirrel when I told him to watch out for the squirrel running across the road.
The tip of the iceberg to be honest.
Put your money where you spend your time. Don’t spend money on something if you won’t be using it.
You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress. Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don’t limp back to your car from pain. Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.
The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.
I like to measure costs in dollars per hour, similar to this. So what if that hobby item is 400 dollars. How many hundreds of hours will you get enjoying it? So like, a dollar an hour.
A movie you don’t care about seeing? 20 dollars for 2 hours. Maybe hold off.
Agreed and agreed. But an addendum regarding mattresses: No matter what the salespeople tell you, most mattresses with pocketed coil springs are pretty much the same apart from hardness, especially with a compensating mattress topper. Just get one that feels right to you, definitely don’t think that more expensive=better, mattress-wise.
More money advice: Most things come in two tiers worth purchasing: “nice” and “wow”.
“Nice” are the things experts deem good enough, or clothes-wise ones that you can see yourself actually wearing across multiple years, both durability- and appearance-wise. Affordable, and you like them. A useable placeholder, if you will.
“Wow” are the things that you’ve been steadily dreaming of for years, or ones that catch your eye even if you weren’t looking. “Buy it for life” stuff. Solid whole wood furniture, that teapot or coffee maker you’ve been dreaming of. A designer winter coat that only costs 20 times your old one. 🫣 On these you look at the price tag after; you want it, you get it, and if it breaks, you repair it. If it’s affordable, or if you find more than one of these every 1-3 years, consider yourself very lucky.
Nothing below “nice” is worth getting, and very few things between “nice” and “wow” are worth getting.
Yep, learned this the hard way.
- I ordered a 10€ “Skmei” watch from Aliexpress and it died in a year. My cousin buys ~30€ casio watches and they last at least 5 years of abuse.
- Cheap Redmi phones have half the processing power of a top end midranger and will not decently survive years of planned obsolescence. I only have a Redmi (4x from their decent times) because I got it for free from my dad. It’s a decent phone, but performance is terrible so they aren’t worth paying for from the longevity standpoint, but if you need a temporary phone they are decent.
I invested in an Areon chair and have zero regrets. Best decision I ever made. I work as a software engineer, and also game in my spare time. So sitting around is a lot of what I do unfortunately.
I dropped 200 euros on a split ergonomic keyboard and it fixed my shoulder pain from typing excessively.
Can confirm on the shoes. Whatever else needs cut back, as long as you can afford rent and food and gas to get to work, buy good quality shoes. Not all expensive shoes are good, but good shoes are not cheap. Second hand good shoes that are your size are very very rare. Upgrading insoles can get you by for a while, but there’s nothing like good quality shoes.
I push people in wheelchairs for a living. I roughly walk 6-10 miles a day. My shoes are 2-3 years old, and literally falling apart.
And I’ll keep wearing them until a week AFTER they fall apart! I got duct tape!
Uhh, ok, weird flex, but like… why? And you seem so proud of it too…
Ah, you should check out Terry Pratchett. One of his characters in his discworld series had a good theory on this
If you’re going to “chase your dreams,” it might be a good idea to first figure out whether they actually really are yours.
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with em later.
I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with em later.
This is the way.
Also research the downside first. Some “dream jobs” are marketed that way for a reason.
Now I wonder if I even have dreams… Damn
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You can offer help, but do not take action until the person you are helping has actually asked. This is of course talking about “real help” not helping someone pick up a book they dropped.
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It takes a modicum of selfishness to live a healthy life.
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You CANNOT fool yourself, the sooner you work within your reality the better it will be for you and everyone around you
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It’s really easy to have an alcohol problem without realizing you have an alcohol problem. This is especially true in people with certain personality or mental health conditions. Alcohol cost me a ridiculous amount of money and at least one job and nearly a couple of others. I was drinking to get out of social anxiety and have addiction issues in general, but somehow didn’t see how bad I was getting. I would take time off drinking and think I was fine, but I always went back to it. Never start that. Also, never start smoking.
If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect” you’re probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. That’s a disservice to everyone involved.
I’ve heard a ‘crush’ being described as an absence of knowledge about the actual person you are fixated on. It reminds me of the story Robert Pattinson told where he took his stalker out to lunch, bitched about his life for an hour, and then never saw her again!
Also, if your parents were abusive, be deeply skeptical of “love at first sight”.
The most amazing connection I ever had with a partner led to the worst abuse I’ve ever experienced.
In my case:
If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect”, you’re probably falling in love with someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness and is very good at pretending to be the person she thinks you want her to be, for a while.
She will spend the next 6 years making your life very, very miserable.
Where the fuck were you 30 years ago??? I was in 8th grade, and I was OBSESSED with (girls name redacted).
14 year old me saw wedding bells, and wild sex nights, and babies, and a house.
40 year old me knows I was just horny, and she was just putting out horny flirty vibes. I don’t even know her favorite food!
yeah same, kinda
You will not be rewarded for doing it fast. You will be penalized for doing it wrong.
This doesn’t apply to software engineering. No one cares that your code is shitty if you can deliver within the unrealistic deadline set by PMs. Just ship it, claim gains, get promoted, and quickly move on before the shittiness of the code catches up with you.
Yup. The standard is release now, patch later.
Pro-moted? What’s that?
It’s when you apply for a better position and get hired. Almost always in a different company. Or a company you left earlier.
Unless production is down. Then it is often the reverse.
If production is down it’s probably because someone didn’t heed my words.
disagree. you can very well be rewarded for speed/reaction time in many jobs. dunno where you live but but there are piecework wages in many jobs.
there are piecework wages in many jobs.
Ya but then youre asked to do more and more and more work yet theres no benefit. Sure you get more money but i like to go home when my work is done, not get more pilled on.
Don’t think that’s what they’re saying, how many of these jobs will you keep if you’re quickly reacting by doing the wrong thing multiple times?
Speed isn’t a problem, sacrificing requirements for speed is
Slow is smooth, smooth is fast
my wife is nodding over my shoulder
If you have to force it, you’re going to break it.
Or in my case, tear it.
Was it your butthole?
Not really the case if you are trying to open phones nowadays… 🙃
Does not apply to stuck jars, ofc
Although there is usually a better way then just muscling it
One time I couldn’t get a jar of jelly open so I smashed it. There are definitely better ways.
Get. Your. Oil. Changed.
It’s quite embarrassing, but I don’t drive very much (have been working from home for almost 5 years now) and let time and miles get away from me. I’m currently waiting to hear back, but I’m very likely going to need to get a new engine, so this will be the most expensive mistake that I’ve ever made.
Same…
Not just, “change your oil at the recommended intervals”, but “change your oil annually, even if you don’t reach the service interval”. If you car is going to be sitting for an extended period of time, drain the tank, run the car dry, put the battery on a tender, and change the oil before you start it back up. (Reason: most gas in the US has ethanol in it, and ethanol is hygroscopic. Water in your engine is bad. )
Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.
I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house — all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.
My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.
I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.
Just don’t do it. It’s not worth the stress and the money.
Holy shit, are you me? We’re going through the same thing. A not close friend of mine got evicted so his landlord could renovate his apartment and he has been living with us for six months now, for free. He stays in his room and plays video games all day, every day. He has no job. He subsists on dry cereal unless we feed him. He barely interacts with us. He doesn’t do anything to help with chores, instead agreeing to assist and then just “forgetting”. He sleeps from 6 am to 2 pm and is up all fucking night. We only know if he’s awake because we can hear him playing games.
We told him two months ago that he needs to leave by now but he still has no job and no prospects. My wife, him, and I are in our fifties. We have a 55 year old child.
That sounds so familiar except this was a 64 year old woman and her 16 year old adopted daughter. The mother stayed in the room we provided, with a king sized bed, an Amazon echo, a Roku flat panel 55” TV and only left to eat ramen (that was her “cereal”), poop, and take her daughter wherever she needed to go.
People are selfish assholes. Period. And I will never again waste my money or time or stress or effort or anything on anyone that I don’t know extremely well.
I’m sorry you are also going through this. If you notified by official letter to get out of your house by a specific date, according to your laws, (and have him sign it), then you are within your rights (at least in the US in every state), typically, to have the county sheriff remove them.
My state requires 60 days notice, so on July 1, we gave these freeloaders official notice to vacate by 5pm on Aug 30. They finally left yesterday. They didn’t clean anything. They didn’t even sit down and show any appreciation. And they have the gall to ask for a things they left behind after rushing to pack and leave yesterday.
I basically told the mom to go fuck herself in many words. They wasted $5000 of our money over this time, and even their religion they hold so dear didn’t force them to be good people and do the right things.
(Shouting this to everyone who would listen…) NEVER take anyone in. Unless it’s family you trust or a really, really good friend that you’ve known for a long time.
We’re not in the US and, where we live, to file for eviction we must take this to court for a judge to validate the reason for eviction. Typical eviction times range between 3-9 months. We’re going to try being such terrible flatmates that he decides to leave. No more free food or access to our toiletries. We’ll be blasting our music all day. I’m growing several konjac plants which produce flowers that smell like rotting meat.
If this doesn’t work, then we’ll take the legal route.
if you start now, it will be over quick. best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and all that. start the paperwork, move forward.
That’s a really good point and I can’t disagree. Worst case, our annoyance tactics fail and we have the court proceedings already in motion. You’re totally right.
Could also try bribing them. My brother owned a condo for a bit, until he got frustrated with bad tenants. When he needed one to leave, he found bribing them the best answer, even with very little tenant protection where he lives. If you start eviction proceedings, now you have a pissed off tenant in your property who can do any amount of damage that will be expensive to repair. Instead, he’d say “I’ll give you $200 to be out next weekend” and it worked pretty well while being cheaper than legal proceedings
That’s also a great idea. We could offer him the likely cost of legal proceedings. Ugh. Never again.
Ouch, I’m sorry it’s that difficult. Yet another reason to never take in anyone, if living in a country that has such laws that make it that difficult to remove freeloaders and squatters.
I don’t want to be that kind of a-hole. I had the best of intentions at the start of this. But there comes a moment when after being screwed so much, it’s time to put an end to it.
Good luck to you!!
Thanks! It’s annoying now but we’ll laugh about it someday. I’m glad your squatters are gone, it gives me hope.
I’ll toast a drink to us both!
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Seconded.
I had a mate who didn’t speak with his parents, lost his job and left his partner.
Took him in, rent free for 6 months. Got him on his feet, he got a new job and 6 months later he left… With my 10 year relationship. And my cat (but to be fair my ex was a vet so it made sense that she took him)
I thought he was a friend.
How nice of him, he took the trash out as he left.
Wow.
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Nope, not me.
Mine was a 10 year relationship and she wasn’t my wife…
Sounds like you have someone who is (or was) in your life who shouldn’t be.
I also work disability support - I have no money to throw around ;)
I had a similar experience, took a friend in for about a year after he lost his job. He just spiraled deeper into depression, I burned a ton of social capital trying to get him out of the house to make friends. He spray painted things on my patio without putting down a drop cloth, broke things inside the house, constantly complained about how crappy or small my house was, while never paying a penny towards it. He was just constantly grumpy and rude, and was completely shocked when I asked him to move out. He kept saying how it was good for him to live with me and just couldn’t conceive that it was awful for me.
Classic selfish narcissism. It feels a tad better knowing I’m not the only one to have dealt with people like that, but it pains me that you and others, who have been as selfless and giving, are treated just as poorly as my family and house was.
