I’m very sorry you feel this way. I’ve had my share of dark times and they’re not a great place to be. I understand you must be in deep pain and I truly am sorry. <3

Sorry if this is unwelcome, but maybe don’t be so hard on yourself? In my experience, when dealing with self loathing/hatred, looking at the way I talked to and referred to myself and trying to guide it towards more compassionate and empathic ways was super helpful.

And if you’re still mad at or ashamed of yourself, something that worked for me to process those emotions was asking myself if I would hold the people I actually love and care about to the same standard, if they did/were what I considered unacceptable for myself to do/be… It wasn’t easy and took some time but eventually I learnt to care about myself and treat myself like a human being.

You sound like a sensitive person that cares about the people around you to me, and I think that is very valuable. You may be having a real hard time right now, and these people might have to do a bit of extra emotional work here and there, but if they’re choosing to be nice and to stick around… I would guess that they see something in you that maybe you don’t?

Life’s weird, friend. Sometimes in the depths of the abyss where there is nothing but darkness, you find things that still matter to you, even when gazing deep into the despair… And when you find one of those things, you acquire something that many people consume their entire lives seeking unsuccessfully: meaning.

There is a way out. I promise. And you can get there. I believe in you! And I love you for sharing this and making yourself vulnerable out of care about the people around you. If you could do me one favor, just please try cutting yourself some slack! You’re worth it! <333

If you ever need to talk to someone and would like to do so privately, feel free to drop me a dm whenever.