In all my years I’ve never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.
Well then your friends suck
“Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?”
Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y’all don’t know how to live
you can cut them you know?
That breaks the simulation.
“Hey, I just baked an entire loaf of bread, you interested?”
I mean… Yes. Yyes please
I buy baguettes roughly twice a week. They are amazing with oil and vinegar.
This is 4chan, though… I’m not shocked an incel would think this.
“Shit, man, shit shit shit.”
“Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What’s wrong?”
“It’s a customer, man.”
“Please tell me they didn’t take an orange from the bottom of the stack again.”
“No, no. Worse. So much worse. He’s buying the boule.”
“Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard.”
“No, man, I’m telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the ‘sourdough boule.’ He’s got it in his cart now.”
“…You’re serious.”
“Yes, man. He’s about to fucking buy the boule.”
“Shit, man. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I- I don’t know. This has never happened before.”
“We have to alert them.”
“Them?”
“You know, them.”
“Wh- you mean the simulation people?”
“You got a better idea?”
“Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-”
“H-hello? Um… Sim- simulation people? Um-”
“What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-”
“Yes?”
“…”
“…”
“Steve… you… you heard that, ri-”
“I don’t have all day. What is it?”
“Shit, um.”
“Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-”
“Missus.”
“Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof… tinny an-”
“Look, we’ve got a problem. It’s one of the… simulated.”
“Mmm hmm?”
“He’s on his way to the checkout now.”
“And?”
“He’s buying the boule.”
“Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with.”
“Oh. Um. O…kay. Um. Thank yo-”
“Wait, how exactly will it be deal-”
This reads like They’re Made Out of Meat. It’s brilliant.
Thanks for the recommendation! Here’s the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
That was a fun read! Thanks for that
And a short film based on the story.
This is WBRC’s 9 o’clock news, I’m Ned Albertson.
Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.
So you think you’ve found the hole of simulation and don’t even try to buy some to see if it is really a decoration? WTF bro
Omfg is this a marketing stunt by the baked goods industry to sell more bread?
Many will walk up to edge, but few have the courage to see if they can fly.
You can’t even interact with these objects. You click ‘e’ and nothing happens. I tried, I tried.
Well, I surely tried to turn around fast enough to see wether there was sth. Behind me or not -when I was 14.
idk man, seems like an american problem to me.
Are you watching their politics? This can’t be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.
I get some things when I scroll through c/all, that’s way then enough for me. I have no idea how the presidential race can even be remotely close. That being said I’m afraid that this behaviour and talking points are coming more and more to us. Some politicians of a conservative party here met several times with republicans and brought some “bright” ideas over here. Guess I’ll do the Robinson Crusoe some time and just move to a small island so I don’t have to deal with all this nonsensical shit fest.
How we wish.
Sheltered American…they can’t keep the bread on the shelves where I’m at
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the normal bread – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the fancy bread – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth – nothing more.”
“Wait… did you just eat both loaves at once??!”
I buy the bread. I offer it to friends. TIL I’m an NPC
I don’t offer it to my friends, but only because I eat it all before they get near me.
that’s the correct answer because that bread goes stale in about 6 hours
Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it’s just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don’t want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
I bake my sourdough weekly. Once you have your sourdough it is pretty much the same effort, but you don’t have to use yeast anymore and you need to plan a bit more time for the bread to rise. It is worth it for the taste.
I’d love to get into it but I just don’t have the time to get past the initial start up. Plus after work I am just exhausted and I definitely don’t have the fortitude to make it a weekly ritual (not to mention we just don’t eat that much bread). Maybe someday though.
If you ever want to try it but have no interest to make the starter, just ask around in your community. More often than you think there is this one person who has their sourdough and is more than happy to share it. I shared mine multiple times over the years, because I know getting started is no fun at all.
You can also freeze the sourdough to use from time to time or keep it in the fridge and just refresh it weekly to bi-weekly by mixing some of it with a bit of water and flour.
That’s a great idea! maybe it’s not as hard as I thought… at least if I’m able to snag some starter :)
I had the opposite experience with it lasting longer. My homemade sandwich loaf will not last more than a week without molding… Supermarket bread (the mass produced stuff, dunno about the made in store stuff) is packed with preservatives and seems to last at least two.
But it’s so much better that it was never going to last that long anyway.
I usually make two and freeze one
Buy the boule coward!
I m French and in France we buy EVERY bread in a bakery .for real after 5pm you have basically nothing .
Sauf le pain aux raisins parce que c’est une abomination
Et la chcolatine parce que ça n’existe pas
France has laws against throwing away food which makes them plan better. In Germany, the shelfs are full till the end so customers can choose. I think this is changing too but I’m not often in bakeries that late.
Idk about America, but here the fresh bread is fucking gone by 3 hours before closing. Well, except for the dark bread, there’s always a little of that left.
i actually used to work in a grocery store in the US, unloading bread from the bread factory trucks and throwing out old bread. I’d usually have it done by 7 in the morning and very nearly I’d be throwing out exactly as much expired bread as i was putting on the shelf. at no point would a bread sell out.
So it does change then.
Also, my friends and acquaintances are a perfectly representative sample of the population
you gotta feel sorry for someone so out of touch with bread. mmMmmmm sourdough boule
For real. The bakeries over here in Northern Germany even offer different kinds of boules, and they all are very, very tasty.
OP is uncultured and needs more bread in his life.
Is this the most American post I’ve ever seen?
Maybe?
A while ago I made cheeseburgers for a family gathering. My dad bought a loaf of bread on the side, and I quote, “just in case”.
Why every single loaf is in plastic? Where is this?
middle america 🌈
Yeah the amount of plastic wrapping in this picture is concerning, I’m curious where that abomination comes from
What is even a boule!!? /s
A french bakery is called a boulangerie, because for centuries bread was prepared in a bowl, or boule. That gave the loaves a particular round shape, like an inverted bowl
Amazingly, it wasn’t until the late 17th century that someone thought, “You know what, I could make this into different shapes, like maybe a stick shape!”
I know. Was being sarcastic.
Round bread
Yeah, the only person who doesn’t know is the subject of the post.
