I have started getting pissed at people who snap at someone “Don’t necro this post” (Or any of the numerous other things they say), on information that is well outdated that could fucking seriously use an updated answer.

End rant…I’d prefer not, though…I want to keep this rant going.

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What kind of support network do you have? Do you have anyone with whom you can discuss this offline, who will support you?

Don’t have any. My whole family basically are the same as my wife.

Also, I assume this is something where you don’t feel safe just leaving when your wife is there.

It helps me to understand what precisely is the mechanism by which this would go wrong, if you just told her “I’m leaving”.

Can you describe that? The reason why it has to be when she’s away?

Pppp! It’s mental. I’m in a god awful amount of pain (not in quality, but in quantity, the sheer number of parts of my body that hurt is too many to count, and it’s extremely erratic, changing constantly. And then when she finally allowed me to use money to see a doctor in late 2021, the meds they prescribed messed up my stomach, lungs, and I’ve gotten pretty bad dizziness, chest pain, and now stomach pain, and it’s just as erratic as my pains are. Then throw in just normal aging pains, and my mind is just nuttier than hell). On top of that dealing with her…erm…lack of empathy/love/caring/whatever does not bode well when I need to concentrate on driving. There may be other mechanisms that cause such distress, but for the most part it’s just to be far more relaxed and have nothing more stressing me out.

I can connect you with people who run men’s groups online, if that would be helpful for you in establishing a support network.

Edit: After thinking about it over night, maybe it would be best to join a men’s group. I could definitely use more social interaction. It would be so helpful, plus I really need to find friends…and learn to stop myself from over indulging my depression (both from pain and marriage)…Especially while I’m still capable of learning (even if it’ll be rather slow). [If it’s too late, meh, that’s ok. I am well aware of how slow I am now, heh].

It would be nice if I could use it, but unfortunately my situation is just so convoluted. The chronic pains, GERD like symptoms from those meds, and her attitude towards me all mashed together creating a quagmire of nonsensical mental duress. The really only way I’d be able to see if there can be anything that can calm me down would be getting away, but that’s if and only if my pains don’t get in the way.

When I did try leaving in 2017, I couldn’t find a job that wouldn’t exacerbate my pains, and I ran out of money and came back to work for my brother in law doing electrical. I pushed myself for full time and in two months, that was it. I pushed myself too hard, and the pains have never calmed back down to…meh…sort of…kind of…a little bit better.

I finally got out of a long relationship which I had thought was going to last until my death. I was resigned to an unhappy, unfulfilled fate. Then I got out, and boy has it been hard. But worth it! SO WORTH IT.

I am myself again. I would be honored, if this is what you need, to help you find that in your own life as well.

I should have left a long long time ago, but I am my father’s son, and he basically lived the same kind of life with my mother. So one could say it’s a curse.

Anyway, there’s a lot of things I live with from this marriage that I’d like to forget. Like witnessing two of my son’s suicide attempts and his case workers completely ignoring me when I tried to get help for both of them. “Why doesn’t she love me?”, I still hear those words a lot, and I still see images of things that never happened a lot.

Erf…I better not say more, I’ve been eating the wrong things today and am having a hell of a time breathing. Back hurts in several spots, entire body feels weighted down, and I’m so dizzy…Yeesh! Can’t concentrate very well.

Just re-read this, and it’s very much an over-simplification…O_o, and I had hoped to not over-talk…Yeesh!

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Hmm! I do remember stopping along a dirt road in Missouri and when I glanced out my window to the right, I happened to have noticed a botanical wonder that could theoretically pay. As long as I didn’t get caught with it, hah.

Huh, I’ll have to watch more of that video during my alone time. His reaction to the pellaea is about like my reaction, hah! I’ll definitely have to check out his other vids, if he’s from Texas. He might have come across some Cheilanthes, Woodsia, and other desert ferns.

Oh man, google maps works wonders for that, heh. I’ve gone along roads (some trails, too) in Mexico, New Zealand, Australia, Norway, and some islands to hunt for epiphytic ferns, tree ferns, and terrestrial ferns. Oh, the wonders I’ve seen. The fronds I’ve imagined running my fingers through. Yeah, I’ve done that so often, too often, heh.

That’s fine, am a Linux user and not a big deal running a file/media server, also have large enough SD cards, so still not a problem storing music either. I would just like to be able to purchase some new songs just so I can be able to adjust the playlists to something more to my tastes for particular songs over the entire genre or band’s albums which can often contain other bands/songs that just bug the living daylights out of me, heh.

Well, if “media” is in general, I’d have to say television. I’ll watch some things once in a while, but for the most part, I have way too much anxiety from a bad marriage. Audio books, and certain Youtube channels can trigger it, too.

Spaghetti carbon-era would work, too.