My neighbour has a cat called Stevie. Stevie hangs out with us a lot and we look after him when my neighbour is away.

Yesterday we found Stevie very unwell in our garden. We took him to the neighbour and she immediately rushed him to the vet.

She mentioned the vet was 200 dollars which was a big unexpected expense for her. Her son’s birthday is on Monday and she won’t be able to do anything for his birthday now.

My wife and I are fortunate enough for 200 dollars to not be a lot of money for us and we want to help, but I’m unsure how.

One option would be that we leave her a little card with 100 dollars and write that we wanted to help because we care about Stevie too.

Another idea is we ask her to do some gardening for us (that’s her job, and we’re too busy to do it ourselves right now).

I don’t want her to feel patronised or awkward about any of this… Happy to take insights.

  • Bunnylux@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    54
    ·
    8 个月前

    The fact that she happened to mention the cost of the vet and that she won’t be able to do anything for her sons birthday now is telling. No one with too much pride to accept money would divulge that.

    • Noedel@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      12
      ·
      8 个月前

      Ahh I do know her a little bit and know she’s been struggling a bit to find work. But you’re right. I’ll help Stevie out and will try not to overthink.

  • los_chill@programming.dev
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    46
    ·
    8 个月前

    Stevie is the perfect way to deflect but still be direct. “We love Stevie and would like to contribute to his recovery.”

    Wish we all had neighbors like you.

    • Noedel@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      16
      ·
      8 个月前

      Thanks. I think I’m overthinking this. I’ve never been in a place in life where I would be able to help people like this but I’ve caught a few lucky breaks career wise where I get to so a job I love that also happens to pay very well… So this is new territory for me.

  • Dr. Wesker@lemmy.sdf.org
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    36
    ·
    edit-2
    8 个月前

    Just be up front. Tell her how much you appreciate both her, and Stevie. Tell her since it’s still so close to the holiday season, you hope she’ll accept a holiday gift, on Stevie’s behalf. Hand her the envelope, with the card and money. Let her do the typical “are you sure? you shouldn’t…” and just insist, that you want her to have it. It’s highly unlikely to go the wrong way.

    EDIT: I personally wouldn’t be the one to suggest a work trade, up front. That takes a “thoughtful gift” into the “charity” zone. If she offers however, then you can graciously accept.

    • Noedel@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      8 个月前

      Yeah I don’t want to make our relationship murky by expecting her to work for me and get paid for it. Especially because we already help each other out with minor things anyway

      • intensely_human@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        8 个月前

        “$200 is easy for me and hard for you right now. It sure would make my day if you’d let me give you $200”

        “I don’t know if I can pay you back”

        “How about next time you’re up and I’m down, you can help me out. I know you would anyway”

  • DontMakeMoreBabies@kbin.social
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    11
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    8 个月前

    If this is real, you seem like a good person and I’m going to keep your example in mind.

    I’m in a place where $200 isn’t much, but if someone helped me help my kid that’d be priceless.

  • VeryVito@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    8 个月前

    Kindness isn’t patronizing. Just offer to help because you care for Stevie and your neighbor. No need to make it a debt (or worse, make her “work it off”), which would redefine your relationship as employer/employee. Just friends doing what friends do.

  • intensely_human@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    9
    ·
    8 个月前

    The way to help a person without being condescending is to add ZERO padding to your offer. Make it as direct as possible.

    “Hey it makes us feel bad that you can’t afford your son’s birthday party now. Would it be okay with you if we provided the $200? It would really make us feel better”

    No padding, no qualification, nothing. And frame it as what it is: a request for her to help you feel gratified by helping.

    “Will you please let us pay? It would mean a lot to us” is how you need to present it to not be condescending.

  • thechadwick@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    edit-2
    8 个月前

    Another post mentioned just giving cash anonymously and I think that’s easily the best option. You would almost certainly have access to their mailbox if it’s a suburban stand alone type? If not, an unmarked envelope under the door, with cash, would preserve plausible distance from making the neighbor feel like they have to decline out of etiquette.

    Don’t think about it more, they clearly need the help if they mentioned it, and if you can help without feeling the impact just do so without strings or direct attribution. They’ll suspect it, and can if they approach you in genuine thanks if they want, then you’re able to be gracious about accepting, or simply act surprised and happy that such a nice thing happened if not.

    I’ve had people clearly embarrassed at the grocery checkout take a 50$ bill I claimed fell out of their pocket before several times. Preserves their dignity even if it’s just a pretext for helping. Puts the ball in their court at least. “Hey man, I don’t know what to say but it’s not mine. Pay it forward for someone who needs help if it’s not yours” is the worst that’s ever gone for me before. Nobody likes being a charity case.

    • Ech@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      8 个月前

      If secrecy is the route op decides on, this would probably be the best bet. Ask the vet to just say it’s part of their pro-bono work or something.

      • SupraMario@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        8 个月前

        Yep, I’ve paid a lot of neuter/spay bills this way, most people know because I’d rather they keep their animals and have them fixed, than end up with the rescue we run.

  • mateomaui@reddthat.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    8 个月前

    Great suggestions already offered, so I just want to thank you for such caring about Stevie and his owner.

  • backsideslappy @lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    0
    ·
    8 个月前

    I think the idea of sending them a “get well soon” card for Stevie with some cash tucked in is a perfectly reasonable and subtle enough idea. Asking somebody to work for you to earn cash for their kids birthday because of unexpected expenses seems a bit on the nose to me but I’m not really familiar with the relationship I suppose.

  • taladar@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    0
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    8 个月前

    Maybe use that fact that you found Stevie in your garden somehow? Something along the lines of “after we brought him to you we had a good look at our garden and we want to make some changes to make it easier to watch him when he plays out there” as an excuse for a short-term job for her perhaps?

    Or maybe offer your own home or garden for a birthday event for the son with the excuse that the cat needs rest after such an incident and a party would be better placed elsewhere?

  • SuiXi3D@kbin.social
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    arrow-down
    21
    ·
    8 个月前

    You did a thing, didn’t consider all of the consequences, and are now worried about saving face? You said yourself $200 isn’t a big deal for you. Just give her the money, Christ.

    • aberrate_junior_beatnik@midwest.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      8 个月前

      OP did nothing wrong, and is not asking how to save face for themself, but how best to preserve the dignity of their neighbor while still giving them money. Learn to read.

    • JohnnyCanuck@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      8 个月前

      You did a thing, didn’t consider all of the consequences

      What thing did OP do? Maybe you mean OP made the cat sick? I don’t think that’s the case, they just found the cat and it was sick.

    • Noedel@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      8 个月前

      I’ve not done anything yet. I’m asking for advice about how to help my neighbour in a respectful way.