So she’s kind of been reluctant in people knowing where she lives. And from my understanding you can just leave if you want but when it comes to her house. And since yeah it’s her house I do wonder where the boundary lays. So I am an adult yes and my mom is out right now with my sister taking care of me and staying around the house which has me worried but she said she would be back either Sunday or Monday and I’m planning on taking my chances Sunday. But seriously what is the rules as it comes down to there are cameras my sister has access to so I think she might see me leaving anyway and question me on this. So what exactly are my rights as an adult? Can someone pick me up in the driveway and we just leave together and then come back home? I do think even if I leave and come back home that can show some form of trust and then I can eventually tell my mom what I did when she gets back home. I even hope I can use my recent birthday as an excuse to start dating. But the main point I want to bring up is if I can tell someone where I live and have them pick me up outside the house?
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Someone who is not a native English speaker who lives in an oppressive country and/or is controlled by a narcissistic mother who favors the sister.
Sounds more like someone who is mentally disabled to me, but it’s hard to tell.
Someone who is young, still at home, and has an overly controlling parent is trying to go on a date. They’re asking if it’s legal. They’re concerned their siblings will rat them out.
You don’t sound like an adult.
Are you being held prisoner by your family? Why is your sister taking care of you? Why is she watching you with cameras?
There might be a lot of context that explains these things. But just reading your post it sounds like you need counsel or professional help. Take care.
The cameras are on the outside and will send a notification if movement is detected.
There’s no legal reason you can’t do whatever you want.
There’s also no legal reason for your mom and sister to let you keep living there.
The worst-case scenario is that your mother kicks you out of the house. Which, in my opinion, wouldn’t be a bad thing for you if they do this because they’re upset you went on a date.
You only live once
She can’t just kick OP out, OP is an adult and thus legally a tenant. If OP’s mom wants OP gone, she has to go through the formal eviction process and serve proper notice.
Depending on where OP is, that’s not strictly true. If you are in a situation such as this, at least within the UK, you are not strictly entitled to the rights of a tenant if you do not pay rent nor do anything in lieu of rent.
Basically in the UK if you do not have a tenancy agreement, cohabitation agreement, or license to occupy, then it can start getting very complicated. If they were named as a property owner, or had a common understanding of financial interest in the property, they might be able to fight for a stake of the house, but that isn’t really the point here. In the end whether they can be kicked out legally is a complex issue (at least in the UK) and not really a question we could answer here.
Sure, but I think it’s reasonable to assume OP is in the US, given that they used mom and not mum. At the very least, it’s unlikely they’re in the UK (or Australia or Canada).
Edit: OP also mentioned their mom had an “OWI”, which is an American term.
Fair indeed.
Point still stands (at least depending on state) that without a residential lease agreement in the US then generally you would be considered a guest in your family’s house if over the age of 18. As such OP could be fairly easily evicted.
Nope, it defaults to an informal tenancy if they’ve been living there long enough (usually something like 3 months), and this includes the time when they were under 18. So if a child grows up in the home, they automatically become a tenant at 18. This is also regardless of whether they actually pay rent.
You don’t need a written contract for there to be a contract in place.
This seems like something you all should be discussing in family therapy.
Could we have the whole context please?
Why are you, a 25-year old, without driving licence in a car dependant zone? What do you do as a job? Do you have friends? Do you have hobby where you meet people?
You sound like a prisonner at your mother’s house and your date sounds like a little issue compared to the everything else (like loneliness, no freedom to go where you please, maybe no occupation?, vulnerability to your family ….)
Do you ever leave the house? Like to go to work or the library or to hang out with friends? Just leave as if you’re doing one of those things, and then meet your date somewhere.
If you never leave the house, that is something you might consider addressing before you start dating. There can be lots of reasons to leave the house that don’t involve an unwitting stranger getting pulled into your rather unique family situation.
Second. Even if you’re an adult, you’re in your mother’s house. It sucks but it’s her rules. If she doesn’t want people coming to her house, then respect that. Get picked up somewhere else.
As stated in the above post, don’t involve someone else by giving them permission that your mother would not give.
For sure, best case it’s like this, just respect for homeowner’s property.
Also questions of abuse and confinement possibly? Which if present, needs to be addressed. And relying on an Internet stranger for an escape is 1) super unfair to the internet stranger or 2) a great way to land in an even more abusive relationship.
This one is firmly above lemmy pay grade. OP might need local support resources that can help them within their specific legal and cultural situation.
How old are you? You’re an adult, but your sister is taking care of you, and you’re worried about your mum finding out you’ve been on a date? What?
What is this? There is some information missing here to make it make sense. Are you part of a restrictive cult? Are you actually 15yo? There must be something else going on here!
My mom is on rehab after an owi so she’s out for a month. I don’t drive so I have no ability to go out my sister is basically here to make sure the house is okay and I have the things I need.
Does your mom or sister have legal custody of you?
No not really.
I’m guessing you don’t have a car. Is there somewhere nearby you could walk to or bicycle to, for someone to meet you and pick you up? Then you would only be on camera leaving the house, not breaking any house rules. This isn’t about law, this is about your relationship with your mother. You can do what you want, but different actions may have different results in your family dynamics.
Going through OPs past posts, it’s interesting…
I hope you find the help ya need.
Interesting may be an understatement…
this reads like a post written by a paranoid sovcit
It reads like some who is a victim of abuse.
Not enough make believe legal phrases
“Hey sister I’m going out for a bit will be back by 11”
“Ok”
Like no offense, but you should probably figure out how to communicate with your family before you attempt dating lol
Oh trust me I have tried. My mom tends not to believe that I can find anyone but right now she’s gone for an entire month.
Others have already addressed the main points of your post, but I would just like to add:
Please be very certain that the person you are giving your address to is someone you can trust. Do you already know them in real life, or did you meet them online?
Online
Through Facebook dating.
Please be very careful. You should try to meet in a public location, don’t let them convince you to go to some less public place. Once you have established that they are who they say they are and that they are trustworthy, you can consider changing that up. But please do make your first meeting in a public place like a coffee shop or a restaurant.
You’re probably going to have to have a chat with your mum about this because if there’s not a good specific reason for her concern, then it would be helpful to you if she could relax on this issue because it’s impinging on your ability to enjoy your life as an adult. She should care about that and if she doesn’t that tells you something. Ideally you could avoid the whole issue by meeting your date somewhere other than your house, although it will be awkward if you are unable to return home with them at any stage. Can your sister or any of your friends give you a ride to meet your date elsewhere?
A point of confusion I have from your post is whether you’re asking about your rights to date people, or just your rights to have them pick you up from the house. As far as dating people is concerned, you say you’re 25, you can do what you want neither your Mum nor your sister have any choice about it. You do not have to justify this or use your recent birthday as an excuse for anything because there’s nothing to excuse. Whether you want to date people is up to you and you alone.
If your Mum specifically requested that you not bring your date to the house it would be rude to just ignore her, particularly if she has some special reason to be extra careful, but it’s also a very strange request for her to make of her 25 year old adult-child so you’ll definitely need her to give a pretty good explanation why you shouldn’t do this. Similarly, it’s a very strange situation to be in that you’re worried about your sister watching camera footage of you as some kind of evidence of wrong doing, why is she in a position to do that and why would she want to? How old is she? Such behaviour is bizarre and controlling.
A lot of the details of your post sound like you’ve been living in strange and possibly abusive circumstances where your mother and sister are putting a lot of effort in to monitoring and controlling you, which they do not any rights to do. In most places I know of, a person is legally an “adult” at 18 years of age, how long have they been doing this to you? Were you allowed friends and relationship in school? What about afterwards at work or university?
Do you want to continue living with your mother? It might be a good idea to start gaining some more independence in your life so you can safely choose to live in a different arrangement if you want to. No offence, but the way you write does sound strangely young and naive for a 25 year old, especially the idea that you need to have either your mother or your sister around to look after you. Do you have friends that know about your living arrangements? Do you know many people outside of your house? If you tried to make friends and spend time with them, is that something your mother would try to stop you doing? It sounds like you’re very isolated and your Mum is keeping it that way on purpose. Unless there’s some very specific context that can explain all these details, then it sounds like there’s something very wrong about how your family is treating you.
You seem to be very intentionally dodging the question everybody in this discussion has been asking: Why are you, an adult, being taken care of by a family member?
Aside from very literally answering the question by saying, “Well my sister is taking care of me because Mom is gone,” you haven’t addressed the subtext of that question: why do you need taking care of at all? Do you have some form of condition that requires you to have a caregiver as an adult?
Please make careful note of sentences I have written that end in question marks (“?”)—those answers are important.
I don’t get it either as I can be trusted home alone I feel.
I am sorry. You need help that we cannot give on a message board. You need to find a trusted person you can tell your story to. You should ask them for help.
Good luck.
