For me, growing up, I was around people who saw games as useless and a waste of time, but I loved them

I’ve always been into computers and tech and was called techy and a gamer and each time, it was said with a sort of disgust from the person saying it.

It made me feel like I shouldn’t be friends with the few people like me, and I spent a lot of my childhood staying away from people, and making sure that people didn’t learn that I played games

Even now, I get slightly uncomfortable being called a gamer or techy or any synonym even though people don’t really think that anymore around here.

Anyone else have something similar?

  • Gnome Kat@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    143·
    5 months ago

    Basically any and all compliments make me feel like shit, it’s not a good quality of mine but its the truth

    Before I transitioned being called handsome hurt, I didn’t want that. Since I transitioned I have been called beautiful and sexy. I still feel bad, I don’t believe them. It’s odd because… I can kinda see what they mean? Like I personally like how I look sooo much better now it’s insane, but from other people it feels like a lie. Or else it makes me feel like I’m just an object to them, like an exotic sex thing, not a person.

    I work as a gpu/graphics programmer, and people say I’m smart and talented. I never believe it, ever. When I was young I did not do well in school, like special ed classes. That early life experience is still internalized. It’s why I push myself really hard at the detriment of my own health. I truly believe I am not a smart person despite recognizing why people think I am.

    Last year I was diagnosed autistic with Persistent Demand Avoidance sub type. I have read online that PDA people often struggle with compliments. Its super fucked tbh, I can never feel good about any accomplishment, nothing is enough, and I feel unlovable.