Hey I don’t know where to post so I just have my darling Charlotte to trojan horse my bs into a community.
I feel like the skills I have are useless. After years unable to hold down a job, I decided to go all in and follow my dream. My problem was that I was $10k in debt after a temp job ended unexpectedly sooner than promised. I’ve been able to get to a point where I’m set to make $60k on my own, which may not seem like much but as an artist that’s huge, but not enough to help me dig out of my debt.
I’m looking at moving back from Chicago to Seattle to get a higher paying job, but none of the skills I have seem to be wanted. I’m a music director at theaters, a multi-instrumentalist, and I’m putting together a non-profit for musicians to connect with values based organizations, but when I look to the world of tech, or at least where the money is, none of that seems to matter. I’m told I have skills, but I just don’t think there’s a place for me in this world. I just don’t think what I bring is valuable enough for someone to say “hey, you should be able to eat”. Frankly, today I’ve had that old voice come back telling me I shouldn’t be here anymore. Charlotte is a needy girl and is making sure I don’t leave, but man it’s hard.
It’s like… I want to give up on the dream, but like… Where would I go? Who would I be? I have done this before when I left comedy- I don’t have the constitution for that world, but at least music was something I’m good at. I can play 22 instruments. I write songs. Improv. Jazz. I teach. I conduct. But none of that matters now. None of it is wanted. Especially with this new world and AI stealing our work, artists just aren’t valued. I grew up in Seattle, the arts capital of the US from 1990-2010, but tech came in and napalmed it. I thought maybe I could join the “evil empire” but sure enough they don’t want me.
I just don’t feel like I belong here. I’m even thinking of giving Charlotte to a more capable human. Idk. Sorry.
My cat is the only thing grounding me at the moment.
I love you. Thank you for commenting and being.
I try hard, every day, to be more like my cat.
And Charlotte looks very sweet.
22 instruments is quite impressive. It’s a modest job, but a school’s band director or instructor could be within reach. High schools and colleges would likely pay best. You can also try private primary and middle schools. Provate schools will have high standards, but could pay more. Also possibly a music producer. I don’t think AI will ever really eliminate music made by people, no matter how good it gets. Session musicians can do pretty well once a reputation gets created, but that would probably be more a long-term investment. I’m not sure what you’ve done musically, but a mic and audio card/receiver plus sailing the high seas for software is a cheap way to get into making your own music.
There’s also getting a different job until the music tree bears fruit. I’m not doing what I want yet, but I’ve worked my way high enough in my company that, hopefully soon, I’ll be able to get back to what I actually want to do (engineering). It’s frustrating, but having a future goal that I’m working towards and steps I can take once I’m making enough helps make it bearable.
I would hold onto Charlotte if at all possible. If you love and take care of her, you’re a good person for her to be with. Pets can be our rocks, without which it is easy to be swept away by despair. Your career status has nothing to do with being “worthy” of a pet. Love and basic necessities are what they need. That said, i get where you’re coming from. I’m waiting to get a cat until I know for sure I can afford and have certain furniture after my recent move. But again, having that goal helps me slog through the stuff I don’t like. You already have her, and I think losing her would likely be a terrible outcome for both of you.
You are worthy of her, you are worthy of love from others, and you are worthy of love from yourself. Godspeed.
Thanks so much for your kind words.
I’ve taught at a private school as a long term music sub, which while being the job that put me in the red (I kept asking when the normal teacher would come back, they never gave me a straight answer until I walked into my office one day to find her stuff there. After that they kept stringing me along in hopes that they’d start a full band program- I spent weeks putting together a proposal for it to be rejected for “various reasons”).
I’ve been thinking about the regular job, but I have no idea what I can do to get me out of the red. Anything that would pay $80k+ just seems out of reach since those tend to be senior positions or for people who can code. I’ve tried coding many times but just can’t seem to get it. Sales has burned me time after time and marketing just doesn’t stick. I can do it for myself alright, but it’s just not something that wants me around in the corporate setting.
Sadly so much of the music industry is for creating commercial music to be used for businesses. When music is a commodity to be bought and sold, humans aren’t really necessary. Why would I pay a human to create a catchy tune for my advertisement when Ai can pump out something that does just fine? AI is also breaking the music tech side. It’s not 100% yet, but Ai mixing and mastering is taking off. If I’m an artist, especially one on a tight budget, an Ai mixer could do just fine for my album when normally I might pay someone with the experience to do so. This might seem great for the artist, but once they have their album, they can get paid $20 a year from Spotify.
The tech spokespeople keep trying to convince us that Ai won’t steal our work and livelyhoods. The thing is everyone in my industry, me included, don’t buy it. These are the same people who said tech would bring Seattle jobs and prosperity, but all it did was raise rents and push out the artists. Tech bros will disagree and say Seattle is just fine, but they weren’t the ones negatively impacted by the industry that allowed them to move there. There’s a group of us in Chicago who call ourselves Seattle’s artistic refugees.
We aren’t the only ones- San Francisco, Boston, Austin, Denver- so many cities are losing their artistic communities that made them worth living in. There’s still music in these places, but you’ll notice those performances are taken by big names for people who can afford those $60+ tickets.
Hell, even Death Cab for Cutie wrote an absolutely heartbreaking bop.
Digging for gold in my neighborhood
For what they say is the greater good
But all I see is a long goodbye
A requiem for a skyline
💔💔💔
I’m not trying to be doom and gloom, but I can’t keep living like this.
Knowing how to play 22 instruments is incredible. Sadly, I have no advice. I am a programmer and I am struggling to find work. It seems like all the companies want are machines. Luckily I am not in debt, but I still feel like I ended up worthless despite trying so hard not to be. It does feel like we have been lied to. And now it’s all over.
All I can say is please be there for Charlotte but it sounds hollow to me.
